Leverage these linguistic modalities!

Our interoperable list of new and improved EU jargon terms.

Anyone who has ever tried to read a “non-paper” — or, perhaps more appropriately, tried NOT to read one — knows that Brussels is home to special terminology that can overwhelm newcomers with its maddening genius. A big part of becoming a Master of the EU-niverse is navigating this sea of jargon.

Sadly, the European Commission’s handy guide to avoiding confusing terminology raises as many questions as it answers. Despite promises to reduce their use of jargon, EU officials keep making up new terms — such as “paperology,” which actually came out of a Commission spokesperson’s mouth several times at a midday briefing this week, and not in an ironic way. Likewise the many Brussels communications experts who offer to help translate the lingo often help perpetuate it.

For the most part, efforts to convince Eurocrats to abandon this obscure lexicon and communicate more clearly have usually been unsuccessful. It’s just part of the game when you combine complex legislation and the special nightmare of a having to talk about it in 24 different languages.

So, in the spirit of “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em,” here are some new, improved EU jargon terms. Try dropping these beauties into the conversation at your next working party.

Smartifice

Sustainabilitation

Schumansplaining

Commatology

Stakehole

Unilogue

Juncket

Deluxembourg

Hip-hop-porteur

Slobbyist

Yearnalist

Cleverage

Pharmonization

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Have a suggestion for this list of new EU jargon terms? Send it to [email protected] or tweet it to @CraigWinneker using #EUjargonaut. Or feed the EU jargonaut via the form below.

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