In the Navy; or, It's a Thick Line Between Love and Hate

This one, I love.

It's not PERFECT. I'm not sure skinny white stripes instead of skinny red stripes wouldn't have looked better, although asking Nike to do three stripes would have been asking a lot. And I have no idea what those red band-aids are supposed to be on the sleeves.

Still, it has a retro feel without being an actual vintage design. That's appropriate, because we shouldn't be looking back on legacy of 1950, we should be looking to add to it.

Yes, everyone's had it leaked for weeks now, just like everyone knows what the lousy home shirt is going to look like. I guess I should get it out of my system now, but a white stripe on a white shirt is painfully pointless. Weren't different shades of white annoying enough the past couple of years? Are they going to have white numbers, too?

I suppose I'm just annoyed because simply reversing the colors of the road shirt would have been wonderful. I understand why they didn't go with a red stripe – Peru and River Plate would have taken turns smirking at us. (I've long had a theory that in 1950, no one in the United States had any idea what the River Plate shirt looked like.)

But a navy blue stripe – who would have said a word? And it would have looked great.

I have a sinking feeling I know why they're not going to go with a navy blue stripe on the white jersey, though.

EDIT: Bootleg image removed. Yeah, the cat's out of the bag and on a bender at the Chateau Marmont, but I've been told that there's still such a thing as good manners. I'm always suspicious that these leaks actually come from the manufacturers, in order to gin up publicity, but what can I do.

Anyway, it's supposed to be white and off-white, which leads to my whine in the next couple paragraphs.

Now, look just north of the starboard tit (in the words of the late George MacDonald Fraser), and tell me what you see.

That's right. Il Swoosh. Pretty hard to miss, right?

Now, picture it in white – or worse, red – on a dark blue background. Much less noticeable. I'd take the two seconds to MSPaint it, but I'm pretty sure you all can take my word for it.

So, unless I'm badly mistaken, what would have been one of the all-time classic designs the United States has ever worn was vandalized for marketing purposes. It doesn't matter that the shirts sold would have looked better, because so many millions more fans will casually look at the more noticeable swoosh than would ever buy the jersey in the first place.

Well…and we're apparently stuck with the crest forever, which Nike has tried valiantly to work with and around, to little avail.

Which is really frustrating to me, because the other day, I came up with the perfect crest idea. You've seen Umbro's England and Ireland jerseys, where they individually commemorate each game opponent and date. I think the US should adopt that idea, and go further.

Well, here, let me show you what I mean.

EDIT – while I wasn't asked to, I should yank this image too, since it gives away everything but the badge.

Maybe Calvin peeing on the Confederate flag should be our new crest.